The 2009 Letter

Don't ask the W's. (Who - What - When - Why. Just read, don't copy, because I would know. Posted in light of a friend.
___________________________

By the time that you’re reading this, I’m gone from our hometown.

I decided against saying goodbye to you personally, because that would be much harder. I don’t know how are you are feeling about this; but in my case, saying goodbye personally is really hard for me to do.

I just want to tell you not to worry about me; I think I’m doing well. I’m trying hard not to think about us, because that is really the point of breaking up, right? It was sad for me to let go of you, because as of this moment, you are still the greatest guy I’ve ever met. But the truth is that the love you’re willing to give is not for me. I don’t deserve any of it. I’m really sorry that I had to drag you into a misshapen phase in my life, because you are a good guy. You deserve someone better, and that is not me.

I believe that both of us are good persons, individually. You are a great person in many ways, and that’s why I loved you. I may be crazy in some aspects, but I still want to believe that I have some redeeming qualities that you liked and made you stay with me even just for a little longer. It’s just that we are not growing together anymore.

Before, I can’t understand why we had to part, but it all made sense after a while. I admire you because you were brave enough to recognize and accept that there was something wrong with our relationship, and that we don’t have the ability to patch up things anymore. May mga bagay na hindi na kayang ayusin, and our relationship was one of those things. I’m sorry because I had to make things even harder for you because of my drunken calls and all the other unimaginable actions that I did. You were right when you said that we should use this time apart to make something better out of ourselves and not to wallow in sadness because that would be a waste of time. I believe that we would be happier if we know that both of us are trying to improve our individual lives. It is only recently that I have come to terms with these things, and I am very thankful to you for that.

I have set aside ample time and thought about this all over. Please do not get me wrong; I really want us to be friends, even best friends at some point. But right now, I just do not think that it is a good idea for us both, especially at this critical time wherein we are both trying to move on. I have grown to accept that I have to learn to live my life apart from you; and you as well. Sooner or later, we have to adjust to the fact that we have long broken up, and that would be hard to do if we are always there for each other. The feelings that we have, or had, for each other do not wear off easily; I think that as time goes, it is becoming more difficult for us to treat each other as friends because we still love each other. Please believe me when I say I tried. I really tried. Pathetic as it may seem, but I have even reached one point wherein I tried to change the way my voice sounds while talking to you; so as to project myself as a friendly buddy to you and not as a person trying to be sweet. But after a while, I realized that I can’t. Mahirap nang magpilit. I can’t pretend anymore that I can be friends with you when deep down I know that I want us to be more than friends. I cannot deny from anyone, most especially from you, that I am still hoping that one day we can work things out again.

Think about this: What if eventually, one of us moved on completely and fell for another? Papano yung nagmamahal pa? Mahirap ‘yun. At least we can save each other from that kind of situation.

I really wish and hope that you would do well. I believe that you will be better and at your happiest in time. You are a great person, mabait ka, matalino ka, masipag ka, mabuti kang anak sa parents mo, at higit sa lahat, God-fearing. There are a lot of good things and blessings in store for you; naghihintay lang ng tamang panahon. With enough patience, I believe that you can achieve everything that you wish for because you deserve all of it. As for now, prayers are all that I can offer. Lagi kitang ipinagdadasal. I really want you to be happy; it does not matter to me if I am part of your happiness or not. Basta masaya ka, okay na rin ako.

Time will tell if we are really meant for each other. If not, we can at least be happy that we would be able to find real love in other places and with other people.

Think of me sometimes. Let’s remember all the good memories and the love we had for each other. I am very grateful to you that once in my life, you made me the happiest girl.