Black and White

Two years ago, on a hot summer day, I came up with a very peculiar decision. This was what I told myself on the fateful day:

"From this day on, my closet is just going to be composed of clothes in black and white. None besides black and white."

And so I threw out most of my belongings (mostly clothes) in vibrant colors. Others I decided to give away, but back then I believed to just end my affinity with colored stuff with a clean cut and just throw them away. After weeks of decluttering, I finally achieved the kind of closet that I wanted: all colors in black and white. As I've said, none besides.

Believe me, this was one of the hardest decisions I had to make. Imagine giving up some of your most precious possessions. It was like giving away an antique Prada bag to some vagrant stranger. But then I had to make a choice.

This was just one example of the many actions I decided to engage in to exert my belief in the strength of choosing only one of the two sides of everything. I believe that one's life is just as practical as an affirmation or negation statement. Believing that there are only two sides of everything lessens the variety of our choices, and therefore narrowing the complexity of our lives. It's either we answer yes or no to every question; no in-betweens, no maybes, not buts. Clean cut. Yes or no. No gray areas.

These days, I guess I have to constantly remind myself that once, I made a pragmatic decision to deal away with complexities in life. You see, a month ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of two years and here I am, caught up in see-saw situation, hoping that one day he'll come back to me again. I have to remind myself that there is only one reason why he broke up with me, and its because he's just not that into me (quoting Greg Behrendt and Liz Tucillo). I have to stop seeing him and stop answering his calls and pleas for help in just about almost all aspects of his life and save myself from the eternal damnation of not being able to move on. I have to constantly remind myself that despite all of the reasons he gave in order to justify our breakup, one thing remains a hard fact: he does not love me enough to stay with me. And that's it. No more gray areas.

I believe that after all of these realizations, I can finally move on and have a life with only minor complexities, thanks to him, being gone from my life. :) I deserve better (If you are reading this, I hope you get the message. You were the one who broke up with me and you have no right to demand my presence and response to your cries of help. So goodbye).

So now let's get to the truth. Does he love me?

Answer: No. If he does, he's going to stay. I have to stop making excuses. It only complicates things.

Oh well. Hasta la vista baby! Have to get my little black dress and make up plans on how I'm going to wear it and paint the town red again. :)